So, I was going to watch Superman Returns tonight. Unfortunately, I opened my envelope to find Superman: The Movie. No big deal in general…I had Smokin’ Aces, and Burn After Reading that both came in today also. Little did I know that I was about to finish up the most violent 7 days of movie watching that I’ve ever endured.
Without ruining movies that some of you haven’t seen before…I thought that I’d just put up the box art of the movies that I’ve watched in the last 7 days. I’m also putting up descriptions of some of the violent scenes in the movies so that you can match them up. (Sorry folks: “Shot in the head at close range” would have still left you with 3 or 4 movies. We’ll have to be a little more original than that.)
The Kintzel 2009 Violence Challenge
- Man has a night-stick shoved down his throat while he’s being tortured (by the police) in a bathtub
- Man uses a pneumatic tank & slug on people’s heads instead of using a gun
- 5-year-old girl rips her mother’s neck open and mauls her
- Man chews off his fingerprints so he can’t be identified
- Man receives blows to the head from a hatchet in the street by a man in his bathrobe
- Man has a human hand in a ziploc bag at a table during a conversation
- Man awakes in a hospital and begins to pull his (dead) friends bone fragments from under his skin
Answers (Don’t peek!)
- Pride & Glory
- No Country for Old Men
- Smokin’ Aces
- Burn After Reading
- The Departed
- Body of Lies
So, if you got them all right you win the same thing that I do:
Time to watch some Spongebob…you know, where Plankton is the “bad” guy because he wants to steal the Krabby Patty. Not because he want’s to kill Mr. Krabs, have his way with Pearl (Krabs’ daughter), and then burn SpongeBob and Patrick alive (do to their “non-traditional” lifestyle).
…Let’s hope Blockbuster gets Superman right this time.
I saw this article online last week and it made me laugh:
In 2005, a movie called The Island went something like this:
In 2019, Lincoln Six Echo and Jordan Two Delta are best friends in a repressive and intriguing society, where everybody expects to win the lottery. The prize is to move to a paradisaical island outside the domes that protect the dwellers against the contaminated environment. Jordan wins the lottery, and Lincoln accidentally finds the scary truth behind the Utopian award: they are clones, generated to provide replacement organs and parts to the owners of insurance policy.
Jeesh…that sounds awfully close to the same plot. And sorry Keira, The Island had Ewan McGregor (Obi-Wan) and Scarlett Johansson (who doesn’t look like she weighs less than the DVD…that’s my way of saying I think she’s extremely attractive). I’m not saying that The Island was Oscar-worthy…it’s not. It’s my typical average sci-fi, action film with some decent explosions and (overly) intense musical score. With that said, IT ONLY CAME OUT 3 YEARS AGO!! It’s not like when they remade Cape Fear in the 90′s… People will remember that there was a movie just like that a couple of summers ago. Numb nuts…
See Also: Armageddon vs. Deep Impact, Bewitched (Which Dick is it?), and Snorks vs. Smurfs