Well my birthday is on Monday and I just got a card from my dad in the mail. He sent me a check with the above memo. I’m out of a job…so I need to cash it, but I’m tempted to keep it because of how damned funny that is.
I must confess that last night I was in a hurry and needed some fast food while I was running errands. I stopped at McBlockage’s and got the old stand-bye “#2″ value meal. After consuming what was certainly “fast”, I remembered why I eat their “food” about once every year or two. I also recalled that regardless of what you order, it all turns into the “#2″ value meal anyway. Next time I’ll just pull over on the side of the road and see if there’s an overfilled storm drain…and just eat out of that. Couldn’t be any worse…and I wouldn’t have paid $4 for it either.
Where’s the Pepto?
OK…so it’s the end of January and I’ve completely lost any momentum that I might have had for healthy eating and regular exercising. I’ve replaced my bananas, yogurt, and fat free cottage cheese with Doritos, Cookies N’ Cream Ice Cream, and M&Ms. I should have known that I was in trouble…I’m assuming that the first stages of any addiction would closely mirror my M&Ms buying habits over the last 2-3 months.
- I occasionally pick a single “small bag” (once or twice)
- I move up to the “party pack”…8 small bags for $1 (…well if I’m going to be eating more of them, I might as well pick this one up)
- Oh…CVS has two “medium bags” for $5…sounds like a good deal, I guess I’ll probably eat them in the next few months
- 4 Days Later: Time to get the $7, 27 oz. “Fat Bag”!! (Rationalization: I need to get the most amount of M&Ms possible at the lowest per unit cost)
I’d guess that the next step would be for me to get an M&M’s IV, but I think my PPO only covers preventative chocolate addiction treatment.
So, I spent $90 last year on my WiiFit and was really kicking some ass on it. I started in mid-August at 202ish…and by the end of October I was down to about 174. Now, I do remember seeing my WiiFit recently…but where was it? Damn…where did I put that thing? Oh…there it is….
That’s right! I shoved it under the couch when that annoying little CGI board asked my why I thought I had gained weight since my last session. News flash: Cram it little board! I’ve been making sure that Connor doesn’t eat all of the M&Ms, Kit Kats, Hershey’s Kisses, Ice Cream, and Cookies in the house. I’m really taking one for the team, but I don’t want my son eating that crap!
…And what’s the etiquette on weight-loss followed by weight-gain? Should I still allow myself to be proud that I’m still around 180 even though I’ve been eating like Tom Hanks did once he got off of that island with Wilson. Do I tell people that I’ve lost 20 pounds since last summer…or that I’ve gained 10 since last month? Aaahhh…the great mysteries of life.
Perhaps I’ll join the NAAFP (National Association for the Advancement of Fat People) if I ever get back to my 240 days. I know I may be sounding the alarm a little prematurely (no jokes people…can’t we all just be adults for 5 minutes?), but you can’t get up to 240 without nice stops at 180, 190, 200, 210, 220 on the way.
Here’s a Family Guy picture from the episode where Peter founded the NAAFP. If you look closely, you can see me in the second row.
More next time kids…I have some chips to eat.