So, I was going to watch Superman Returns tonight. Unfortunately, I opened my envelope to find Superman: The Movie. No big deal in general…I had Smokin’ Aces, and Burn After Reading that both came in today also. Little did I know that I was about to finish up the most violent 7 days of movie watching that I’ve ever endured.
Without ruining movies that some of you haven’t seen before…I thought that I’d just put up the box art of the movies that I’ve watched in the last 7 days. I’m also putting up descriptions of some of the violent scenes in the movies so that you can match them up. (Sorry folks: “Shot in the head at close range” would have still left you with 3 or 4 movies. We’ll have to be a little more original than that.)
The Kintzel 2009 Violence Challenge
- Man has a night-stick shoved down his throat while he’s being tortured (by the police) in a bathtub
- Man uses a pneumatic tank & slug on people’s heads instead of using a gun
- 5-year-old girl rips her mother’s neck open and mauls her
- Man chews off his fingerprints so he can’t be identified
- Man receives blows to the head from a hatchet in the street by a man in his bathrobe
- Man has a human hand in a ziploc bag at a table during a conversation
- Man awakes in a hospital and begins to pull his (dead) friends bone fragments from under his skin
Answers (Don’t peek!)
- Pride & Glory
- No Country for Old Men
- Smokin’ Aces
- Burn After Reading
- The Departed
- Body of Lies
So, if you got them all right you win the same thing that I do:
Time to watch some Spongebob…you know, where Plankton is the “bad” guy because he wants to steal the Krabby Patty. Not because he want’s to kill Mr. Krabs, have his way with Pearl (Krabs’ daughter), and then burn SpongeBob and Patrick alive (do to their “non-traditional” lifestyle).
…Let’s hope Blockbuster gets Superman right this time.
I saw this article online last week and it made me laugh:
In 2005, a movie called The Island went something like this:
In 2019, Lincoln Six Echo and Jordan Two Delta are best friends in a repressive and intriguing society, where everybody expects to win the lottery. The prize is to move to a paradisaical island outside the domes that protect the dwellers against the contaminated environment. Jordan wins the lottery, and Lincoln accidentally finds the scary truth behind the Utopian award: they are clones, generated to provide replacement organs and parts to the owners of insurance policy.
Jeesh…that sounds awfully close to the same plot. And sorry Keira, The Island had Ewan McGregor (Obi-Wan) and Scarlett Johansson (who doesn’t look like she weighs less than the DVD…that’s my way of saying I think she’s extremely attractive). I’m not saying that The Island was Oscar-worthy…it’s not. It’s my typical average sci-fi, action film with some decent explosions and (overly) intense musical score. With that said, IT ONLY CAME OUT 3 YEARS AGO!! It’s not like when they remade Cape Fear in the 90′s… People will remember that there was a movie just like that a couple of summers ago. Numb nuts…
See Also: Armageddon vs. Deep Impact, Bewitched (Which Dick is it?), and Snorks vs. Smurfs
Well, I’ve been screwing around with the web tools for the last hour and I must say that I don’t know if I have the patience or eloquence to write anything mind boggling this evening.
I will say that I think I’m going to enjoy sitting down and letting loose all of the clutter that builds up in the big dust-collector on the top of my neck. I seem to have all sorts of random crap flying in and out of there all the time… and if you’re unfortunate enough to have the time to read this (i.e. bored at work, sitting on the crapper, got to the last page of the Internet and are currently doubling back), you may just begin to be concerned about my well-being…or at very least the well being of my son, Spider-man.
I guess while I’m up and ranting. Here’s something that’s been on my mind a lot lately…movies. [Previously on Knight Rider: Eric is a new Blu-ray fan who has a PS3, an excellent 1080i 57" HDTV, and a fantastic 5.1 Dolby Digital Sound setup run through an optical cable at home. He's purchased about 20 Blu-rays (90% of them on mega sale) in the last 3 months and is anxiously awaiting his Blu-ray copy of Transformers from Amazon.com any day now]….aaah I digress.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my fondness for the repeated viewing of my favorite movies. Friends and family will often comment on how many movies that I purchase rather than rent. I explain that I do enjoy my favorite movies enough to warrant the purchase price. I’ve begun to justify that I’m somewhat of a fan of the art that is movie making. I enjoy watching the “making of” segments in the extras of DVDs…I’m fond of the work of certain directors and actors. I like hearing about why the choice is made for 2.40:1 vs. 1.85:1 aspect ratio. [For example: Spider-man was filmed in 1:85, but when moving to Spider-man 2...they switched to 2.40 to allow for the enormity of Doctor Octopus and his extremities].
With all of this said…am I really just placating myself? I pay attention to all of this stuff…and I enjoy the art of a well-made film; however, the last movies that I watched were: Hulk, Iron Man, The Hunt for Red October, Office Space, and Hellboy 2. Doesn’t really sound like the nomination list for this year’s Academy Awards, does it? So, I can’t quite figure it all out. I like to think that I’m sophisticated enough to call myself a fan of the art form (…I do like The Machinist, Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, Memento, The Prestige…) , but I guess I’ll fess up and admit that I mostly like movies with superheroes, explosions, Will Ferrell, farts, expletives, and groin trauma.
There… you made me say it. I hope you’re happy. If you bring this up, I’ll have to deny it.