...and me without a DVR...

...and me without a DVR...

Hey sports fans!  If you happen to live in Arizona and you were offended by Comcast showing 30 seconds of porn, you can hit them up for a whole $10! 

So if you want to have the (aforementioned) “talk” with your kids about why the nice lady on TV was helping the excitable guywith his zipper, you can do so over a dinner at McDonald’s (hold the McFlurrys).  Well…I guess you could really only take out one kid…and you’d better be a single parent…and don’t biggie size…and jeesh…how much is tax on food now….????

Plan B (for Boob)

Plan B (for Boob)

Note to Janet & Justin: You guys are off the hook.  No one cares about a “Wardrobe Malfunction” when Jim Boner and Olga Arreola are “giving each other the business” in prime time.
Did you know his middle name is Cheech!?

Did you know his middle name is Cheech!?

Hey Phelps…guess what?  My son’s Spiderman V-Tech probably has a digital camera in it.  You can certainly smoke a lot of pot at home with the $100,000,000 dollars that you stand to lose in endorsement deals.  I know this sounds crazy, but you may want to take a quick moral assessment of those around you before engaging in illegal activities. 

Michael, be on the lookout for narcs…these people can be easily identified by one or more of these telling traits:

  • They weren’t your friend before you could out-swim the shark from Jaws
  • They’re trying to bum just enough money for a chalupa and a mexican pizza
  • They are pointing a digital camera at you as you light up your bong

Just keep an eye out for any of these little “tells” before you smoke up any of your swimming endorsements.  (Since so many swimmers have made out like Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan….I’m sure you don’t need to worry about screwing that up).

Give him a break...

My favorite actor

I wanted to at least mention Christian Bale too.  No rant here…the guy is money.  Do you see those two pictures up top?  He went from 180lbs down to 120lbs for The Machinist (against doctor’s orders)…and he wanted to go lower.  The man is a ridiculous method actor…he doesn’t even speak with his accent while doing press for American films.  Oh…and immediately after The Machinist was done he started filming Batman Begins.  He’s been awesome in everything I’ve seen him in…even if the movie itself blows.

So if anyone gets a pass for having a tirade at work, it’s this guy.

You can download the .mp3 of his rant here.


February 5, 2009. Tags: , , , . rants. 1 comment.